Seryl 10th, 1513 – Carico Estate, River Sulis, Lothianshire, Albion

“Vivi?” The only response to his inquiry was his sister slamming the library door. Severus sighed. He was beginning to think there was something seriously wrong with Vivi. Most of the time she was her usual smart, funny self–until their brother sent a letter, then she turned into this raging ball of angst and moped and pouted for days on end. No door was ever safe when she was in this mood. And being around the FitzChivalrys, or rather around Caroline, exacerbated it to almost dangerous levels.

He glanced at the library door then sighed. His twin had a theory about what was happening and Severus didn’t like it. He and Leo weren’t that close, but there was something dangerously wrong with his sister and his eldest brother. But short of dragging Leo out into the gardens and beating him senseless, which he didn’t want to explain to his mother, he didn’t any way to solve that. Vivi wouldn’t talk about. Doubly so if Charlie were right. Unfortunately, the only person she’d probably talk about it with was the one that might have been the root of the problem.

So he moved in the opposite direction, onto the balcony. Maybe there was some other problem that he could solve. At least one that involved him personally.

Leo and Caroline were looking at each other as if they were both biting their tongues wanting–but not wanting–to blame each other for Vivi’s leaving. In Severus’ estimation they probably both were.

“So, Vivi cleared out of here pretty fast.” Severus commented to the person he was actually on the balcony to find. Marianne turned so fast that her plait swung almost around to strike her in the shoulder.

“Y-yeah.” She dropped her eyes and stared at her hands before shooting a look at Leo and an almost glare at Caroline. But her eyes came back to his face after a short moment and an almost smile hovered at the corner of her lips.

“Need to warn the baroness of the approaching Reman army?” He joked. She shook her head.

“Said that the air had turned rancid.” Marianne murmured.

“Oh, please. You don’t need to dredge up–muck, Marianne.” Caroline huffed and stood up from the bench.

“I asked, Miss FitzChivalry.” Severus remind her. Lord Wright Almighty, what did she do with her brain? She could store three months worth of scandals and gossip in there, but conveniently forgot when she caused anything worth gossiping about. She also forgot other things when forgetting served her purpose. Like the fact that the lady she was emulating in her costume was best remembered for being the member of the nobility who got there by getting knocked up before her wedding.

“I should probably go talk to Vivi.” Leo muttered toward his boots as Caroline huffed.

“…If she’s still here.” Severus told him. Leo looked at him sharply. “Given the look on her face when she walked past me in the library, she very well may be half-way home by now. Maybe you should let her cool down first.”

“If she’s that annoyed that she’d leave early, it’s all the more reason for me to go talk to her.” Leo bowed to Caroline and nodded at Marianne.

“We should probably get back to the party, I’m sure that Mother won’t like it if we come back soaked in perspiration.” Caroline linked her arm with her sister’s and half dragged her off toward the door. Severus shook his head and trailed after. Along the way, as she apparently had forgotten that Severus was right behind them, Caroline murmured a litany of things that Marianne had done wrong as a chaperone. If she had just suggested that Vivianne go with Elizabet back to the dancing then Leo wouldn’t have spent so much time paying attention to his sister.

If Marianne had just come up with a topic of conversation that didn’t have controversy attached to it, then Caroline never would have had to point out that Benoit had all the brains of a stone statue or that their father didn’t have the best costume at the party.

Or you could just bit your tongue for once. Severus thought sharply at the back of her head as the litany tapered off sharply off. As Caroline explained, it wouldn’t do to give a litany of flaws that Marianne possessed in front of all of the young men in the card room. After all, their father did still need to find a her a husband. That was proving difficult enough even without them knowing all of Marianne’s flaws.

I’d imagine so, he thought. When you have a shrew with the all the faults of a cow demon and none of the virtues of ‘em for a mother and a catty bitch-in-training for a sister, it probably would scare off a few of the fainter-hearted. Oh well, if they’re that stupid, not my fault. Less competition.

“Oh, Leo felt that he needed to check up on his sister, I gather she was in a bit of ill-humor.” Caroline said taking  her seat on the end of the settee, having dropped her sister’s arm and hurried a few steps ahead to proceed Marianne into the card room.

“I hope it’s not serious.” Nadine murmured, looking concerned. “She did seem a bit pale and out of sorts when she left the card room.”

“Well, ill-humor if you consider temper a humor.” Caroline huffed and raised her shoulder in a shrug. “So what did I miss?”

“Oh, you know, Caroline, the light goes out of the room when you leave it.” Audrina smirked. “What could possibly happen without you around to witness it.”

“Other than Lord Joshua was in here for a while playing billiards with that handsome friend of his.” Babette told her.

“Which friend?”

“The scholarship boy. As I was telling Babette while you were gone. I don’t care how nice his rear looks in that leather tunic, he’s still a scholarship boy. You can scrub them up, but you can’t clean them up.” Audrina said. …And Charlie sorta likes her. If I didn’t know my twin better, I would swear it has more to do with the size of the dowry Earl Ravenway is offering for his daughter. It’s like “liking” a shark. Aye, they look impressive from across the way, but I wouldn’t want to marry one.

“What?” Speaking of Severus’ twin, Charlie looked up from his cards when Severus dropped into the empty seat at one of the card tables where Charlie had been fleecing people most of the evening.

“There is no crime in looking.” Babette huffed from across the room.

“You know all those bizarre theories that our baby sister has for–certain people?” Severus asked. Charlie nodded. ” I know where she gets them.”

“You’ll have to explain that one to me–later. So you wanna contribute to my fund here? I think I might be able to buy a new horse before the night is out.” Charlie ran his fingers over the stack of chips.

“Only if you want to cover my drinks at the pub.” Severus batted his lashes at his brother.

“Oh, but where’s the fun in that?” Charlie sighed. “Besides, how shall I afford it and the new horse?”

“Fleece more idiots like us?” Severus asked tossing a stack of coins onto the table and gesturing for some chips.

When Edouard was too drunk to hold his cards steady and Constantin had excused himself to go find Jeremie so they could pour Edouard into a carriage to get him back home, Severus also excused himself as well. He figured he should probably check on when they were expected home. Not that he thought he and Charlie would stay any past the end of the party or that they would go out after it. But he didn’t know if his mother expected them to escort their parents home or if whenever they got there was good enough.

But apparently the ball room had emptied entirely, as he should have known. His father–and all the other fathers–were probably outside smoking and talking. The ladies–well, by this point those still mostly sober were probably helping to pour their less sober friends into carriages just like Dell was helping Jeremie do for his brother.

Well, not quite entirely. Standing at the far end of the room, blonde plait with the caul slipping just slightly to the side contrasting against the teal and gold silk dress.

He’d been standing not far from this spot earlier in the evening, when the ballroom was more full than not, when his father had called him over. The musicians above in the gallery had just struck up a slow song and around him, couples drawn to each other to ask for a dance.

She’d been sitting in the chair not far from where she was standing now, hands folded in her lap, eyes more on them than anywhere in the room.

“Severus, go ask Miss Marianne to dance.” For a man whose whole career was focused around beating around the bush, he didn’t have any patience for it when dealing with his kids.

“Why?” Severus had asked, though there was a puppy dog eager twitch in his feet that had wanted to immediately trot over there, even without looking for where Lord and Lady Henry were. He knew that with Leo’s and Caroline being promised to each other, there really wasn’t any reason for him to look at Marianne. That and she was his sister’s friend. But there was something about the way she had looked, the very first time that he had met her–at one of his mother’s garden parties–the year that they’d first moved to River Sulis.

She’d been–oh–ten or eleven, wearing a soft rose and white striped dress, twisting her hands just like she was doing now, standing shyly at the edge of the hedgemaze. And something in him had decided right then, without any consultation, that he wanted to marry her. He hadn’t–at the time–even known her name. A lot of things had changed in those four years–but the way he always found himself looking at her–that hadn’t changed at all.

But he couldn’t tell his father that, not even when his father started talking about a marriage between Leo and Caroline. How do you say that. No, dad, you can’t marry Leo off to Caroline. I decided at a garden party I was going to marry her sister. Yeah, that’d have gone well.

“Because she keeps looking at the dance floor with a wistful expression that says clearer than words that she’d like to dance–and obviously no one has asked her.” That twitched at something inside of  Severus, that was both good and bad. If she had a suitor–then he’d have some reason to move on–but he would admit to being very glad that he had no competition. If Leo and Caroline would just implode like they were threatening to…

… Maybe?

“But why me?” Severus had asked as his heart declared him a traitor.

“Because you’re a gentleman and a Ferreira–and the only time we leave a lady in distress is when attempting to rescue her will cause her more distress–and besides, you’re the only one in the room that I can order to go do it. Now go.”

He’d sidled past the couples between him and Marianne and slipped into one of the chairs to her side.

“My father seems to be under the impression you’d like to dance.” He had placed his elbow on the arm of the chair and batted his lashes at her when she looked at him.

“Your father is asking me to dance?” She’d looked at him bewildered before peering past him to where his father was dancing with his mother.

“No! No. He–he wanted me to ask you to dance. I mean if you wanted to.”

“Oh–I–well.” Her eyes flickered down to her hands. “The floor is pretty crowded–except over there.”

“Aye, but if we go over there, we’ll have to see Captain Cox’s tunic up close, I see your dilemma.” Severus had joked to keep his shoulders from drooping dejectedly.

“Oh, don’t–don’t think that I don’t want to dance with you, Severus. Please. May–maybe at another dance–one not so–you know–crowded.” Her eyes, always a brilliant unclouded teal pleaded with him to understand.

So later he had agreed, then retreated after a long moment, to the card room where he hadn’t had to worry about the next dance and if there were to be one. But the musicians had already packed it in for the night apparently as the gallery was empty. Still his heart was pounding a beat of its own.

“You know, Miss Marianne.” He almost swallowed his own tongue when she turned to look at him. “You still owe me a dance.”

“I-I do–don’t I? But–” She glanced up at the empty gallery.

“It’s always going to be something then, isn’t it?” Severus sighed, hoping to keep the tone jocular. Maybe it was all for the better, the way his palms were sweating.

“No. If–if you don’t mind the lack of music, I–I don’t mind it.” She admitted toward her hands. He extended one cold clammy hand to her and she took it. The other he settled at her waist before beginning the first steps. But even with only the sounds of their dance steps echoing off the dark marble and up through the empty ballroom for accompaniment, it was better than he could have imagined any professional musician could have played it.

It was allowed to just be, a spin here…

…faster here, slower there…

… until reality reasserted itself and he brought her with one final twirl to a stop.

“Thank you, Mr. Severus.” Marianne giggled as he brought her hand to his lips as the stepped apart.

“Wait, one last thing.” Severus said, the words out of his mouth before he even could think about them. She turned back toward him from where they had started to drift apart. He caught her hand, turning her around in one last twirl.

Seryl 10th, 1513 – Carico Estate, Lothianshire, Albion

“If you don’t mind my saying… you are an idiot, brother dear. I love you. But you’re an idiot.” A voice whispered in Josh’s ear, causing him to jump and almost slam the library door.

Being a year older certainly hadn’t softened his sister any. Well, with Bet, he supposed that was only to be expected. He was a thin cover of fragile marble laid over a marshmallow center, Elizabet was diamond from the core out, only her physical appearance usually granted her any softness at all.

Tonight, however, even the usual softness granted to her by her hair and the clothing she wore had been traded for something else. Her costume, that of Lady Morgan le Fay, added an extra physical hardness to her. She certainly was shades of a legend in it, but if there was something that the Lady Morgan of legend and Elizabet shared, it was a distinct lack of the appellation “soft”.

“How,” his voice cracked slightly. He coughed into his hand and tried again. “How do you mean?”

“This is just like you, Josh. Just go in and talk to him.” Elizabet shoved at his shoulder. “I promise nothing’s changed.”

“That’s what you think.” Josh muttered. Elizabet rolled her eyes.

“Okay, let me rephrase that, except what’s going on in here.” She paused to tap the side of Josh’s head with a long finger. “Nothing has changed with him. You’re a better host than that.” Josh was starting to feel like Benoit, that was to say lost, in what should be a simple conversation to follow. He’d been doing okay until that sharp left turn at the end there. “Darin came to my party because you asked, in fact I’m pretty sure, given how much he protested whenever the party came up in conversation, that you insisted that he come.”

She sighed. “So he came and his date is in the ballroom chatting up other people and he’s hiding in the library with Ri, only she at least is pretending that she is interested in that book of poetry she’s holding, and he’s staring at the Orkney crest on the wall.” Elizabet shook her head one of the flowers woven into the dark strands of her hair threatening to slide out. “It is your duty as host of this event–and as the person who invited him–to make sure that Darin has a good time. So.” She poked him hard through the sleeve of his doublet. “Oww.” She complained. “What do you keep under that thing, Josh? Rocks?” She wandered off still muttering about how nothing good could come from a birthday where she hurt her finger on her brother’s bicep.

“You have better manners than that, Joshua Piers!” She called from the dining room door, waggling a finger in his direction. She was right, of course, damn her. He did have better manners than that. But she didn’t understand.

It had all started in the reception line. He’d caught sight of Darin in his costume as Florian Carey, the later years steward of Earl Pellinore, a rather ironic choice, as Florian was said to have a very peculiar sense of humor and a distinct sense of whimsy. Darin, so far as Josh had ever seen, had no sense of humor and wouldn’t know whimsy if it bit him in the arse. He could never imagine Darin holding a record for being kicked out of the most taverns in his time in Albion, managing to even beat Captain Jessiah Andavri for the record!

The blonde wig didn’t suit him. Josh had decided as he nodded in response to whatever Lord Henry had just muttered to him, briefly losing sight of Darin to the huge puffed shoulders of Lady Henry’s costume. It made his face look sallow and drawn, contrasting badly with the dusky tone of his skin and reinforcing the hollow hopelessness that was almost always lurking in Darin’s blue eyes.

He needed–he needed… His mind was pulled back onto what he was supposed to be paying attention to, which was the receiving line, by the sound of Lady Henry simpering to his mother.

“Oh, Lady Marisol, I was so grieved to hear that Lord Jayson would be missing this. I know that Henry wouldn’t have missed our girls debuts for anything. I would half expect him to crawl out of the grave to be at Julia’s. Such a shame that he couldn’t make it back from Camelot in time.”

Josh’s mother was obviously trying to wrangle whatever sharp thing that had been building behind her teeth into something appropriate to say at a party when the tension was defused by an unlady-like snort from the woman behind Lady Henry in the receiving line.

“What?” Lady Henry turned, affronted.

“Oh, nothing, I am sure you are terribly grieved,” Madame Cox smiled as she gave Elizabet a hug. “I, unfortunately, have mixed feelings on the whole thing. It certainly is a shame that the baron will miss this.” She winked at Elizabet. “But it does mean that Masen is still in Camelot too, which kind of dries any tears I might have over the whole thing.” Elizabet covered her mouth with her hand, probably covering a giggle as well. Josh’s mother was too well schooled to smirk, but he thought he detected a hint of a smile at the corners of her lips too.

“Surely you wouldn’t stand for Master Masen missing your own daughter’s debut!” Lady Henry asked, planting her hands on her hips. Lord Henry was looking like he was praying for the ground to open up and swallow him whole.

“It would honestly depend on why he was missing it.” Madame Cox said, ignoring Lady Henry’s stance to lean in and kiss Marisol’s cheek. “After all, the universe is the Lord Wright’s to control and not ours. And certainly should it be fire, flood, or act of Wright that was preventing him from being there, he’d be excused in my eyes!” She fluttered her lashes in Lady Henry’s direction.

Lady Henry stormed off to where Lord Henry stood waiting looking like he still wanted to be swallowed by the paving stones, forgetting to say anything to Josh at all. “What?” She hissed at him.

“I told you not to get into that with Lady Marisol, Katherine. It’s not like she’d miss that it was a jab at her.” Lord Henry muttered before heading off toward the house, their murmured conversation fading as they went. Madame Cox, then the Captain and Mrs. Cox followed through without further incident when Josh caught sight of Darin and his date as well.

“You might as well come up, Darin, we’ve already spotted you.” Elizabet called to the pair at the bottom of the stairs. “And you’ll have to forgive me for asking who this lovely young lady you’re escorting is.”

“This is Eve Rose.” Darin said. Marisol’s eyebrow shot up as she looked over her shoulder at Josh who shrugged. Actually he had known that Darin was planning on inviting Eve, but there was no way to gently break that bit of information to his mother, so he would just pretend that he hadn’t known. Whether it worked was anyone’s guess.

“Rose–any relation to Reginald? Or to Guardsman Colby?” Elizabet asked curiously.

“Aye.” Eve said with a smile. It was Elizabet’s turn to look at Josh, only her expression was puzzled. He shrugged again. “They’re my brothers.”

“Oh–I didn’t know that Colby was related to Reginald.” Elizabet said faintly.

“We don’t make much of a deal of it. There are people,” Eve looked at the back of Miguel’s gaudy tunic as it was disappearing into the distance. “who would make it into something it isn’t. Call Colby’s loyalty to the guard into question when there’s no need for it. He wouldn’t do that.” Elizabet nodded in seeming understanding, probably actual understanding, if Josh could follow it, then Elizabet could more than likely follow it that much easier. Not for the first time he thought that River Sulis would have a much brighter future if there were some way that he could step aside and let his sister take the barony when their father died. The last thing this town needed was an idiot like him in a position of rank.

As Eve, Josh’s mother, and sister fell into easy discussion of the various costumes, Josh was pinned in place by Darin’s blue eyes. A wave of something that he had been trying–for months–to ignore or mislabel swept over him. And like a sharp slap to the face it was impossible to mistake it for anything else, that wave of lust, woven tight with softer things; hope, comfort, security, (love?) all wrapped up in a pulse of “want, want, want”. When that one single, perfect moment passed, between one heartbeat and the next, a second wave of much more familiar emotion rolled in: hopelessness, cowardice, panic on the verge of physical pain. Still, he had been trained from the cradle to keep up appearances, and so he murmured out some mechanical formula to Darin and then to Eve. They too turned down the path toward the house. All Josh wanted to do was run. But he couldn’t. It was Elizabet’s debut party and he, despite what he wanted, had a job to do. He was the host.

Still, that was what had lead to him standing out in the hallway lurking outside the library. Knowing that Darin was miserable and that it was his duty, his responsibility to make him happier or at least more comfortable–but–being a coward and as Bet so gently reminded him, an idiot. Oh, he didn’t want to mess up everything he’d built with Darin with him being stupid. Darin had forgiven him a lot, including everything that had happened that night, but he’d never forgive him for this. And Josh would never forgive himself if he ever let on.

But Darin saw right to the quick on so many things, how could he hide this from him?

He had hated himself lots and lots of times, but never more than in the stasis he found himself in standing outside the door to the library. The question “why” pounding in his head in time to the pounding of his heart. Why me? Why him? Why now? Why this? Why-why-why?

He took a step back as a group of his father’s contemporaries headed for the library–or maybe the balcony outside of it where they could smoke their pipes and talk about things that sometime in the next ten years society dictated would become the very most important things.

A moment later, the door to the library opened and Josh caught sight of a green sleeve, hurriedly he turned toward an arrangement of roses on a side table and began fiddling with the positioning.

Darin hesitated for a moment, but apparently the ruse worked, for he turned and wandered off in the direction of the bulk of the party. Still caught up in self-loathing, still hating himself for doing it, Josh followed along silent as a shadow and just as insignificant.

Darin seated himself on one of the gold settes in the corner of the room. Josh’s mother had been threatening for years to recover them, firmly of the opinion that the gold didn’t go–but she hadn’t found a fabric that she liked in their place, so there they stayed.

“There’s a seat open, Darin.” Dell said jerking his chin at the empty seat at one of the card tables. “Oww. What was that for?” He reached down to rub his right shin.

“For being stupid.” Severus said. Josh sighed to himself. Being stupid indeed.

“Are you sure?” Jules asked, looking over his shoulder.

“Nah, I’m not much of a poker player.” Liar, Josh thought, Darin was a helluva card sharp, Josh knew he played a lot with his own friends. He just didn’t play with Josh’s friends. It was just a lot of tutoring sessions to put into stakes. They thought nothing of tossing in a few silvers to a “friendly” game. Darin had to think of it, he didn’t have the luxury of thinking that money was unimportant.

“Besides, I’m more fascinated by the schoolteacher hustling the nun at billiards.” Darin joked, jerking his head toward where the Mrs. Coxes were playing an absolutely cutthroat game. Madame Cox laughed before turning toward Josh, who was still lurking in the doorway, eyebrow arched. Josh hurried into the room, trying not to look like he was hurrying. Somehow he didn’t think it worked to fool her. He dropped, hopefully casually, into the seat next to Darin.

“I meant to ask, Madame Cox, who are you supposed to be?” Charlie asked, turning in his chair to look over his shoulder.

“See, that’s the trouble with attempting to be clever,” she said to the room at large. “You never know if you’re succeeding in being clever or if you’re missing the mark. Heloise.”

“Pardon?”

“Heloise–the elder daughter of the first branch of Wesleyans in Albion. She’s a distant ancestor of mine or so the family legend goes.”

“The one who published all those scandalous treatises?”

“Aye.” Madame Cox said. “We both share a talent for saying things that are–mildly–scandalous.” Mrs. Cox choked. “Oh, c’mon, those books weren’t so bad.” She nudged the woman dressed in the nun’s habit with her elbow.

“Yes, Annette, they were!”

“They’re educational at the very least.” Madame Cox said blandly.

“I could have gone my whole life without that kind of education.” Mrs. Cox said primly. “It’s your turn.”

“So,” Josh said almost freezing again when Darin turned those heart-of-the-ocean blue eyes on him. “How you are doing?” Darin’s brow rose sharply, though it was half obscured by the blonde strands falling in his face.

“Words fail me.” Darin said. Aye, I was afraid of that. Josh thought.

“Hmmm. Well would you say it’s on par with the historical epic–or is it more like that Reman poetry recital?” Josh asked.

“More like that one time I walked into the hall by the salle and saw Brother Loki with his tongue in Brother Dustin’s mouth.” Darin told him blandly.

“Yeesh.” Josh said.

“Wait, you saw Loki kissing Dustin–and you didn’t tell us?” Edouard asked, slurring just slightly. His head was going to kill him in the morning. It was a good thing that they had the week off of courses. Of course it was no real surprise that he’d hit the bottle at any occasion. Josh didn’t know what he was drinking to forget, but he’d lay a month’s pocket money that whatever it was… it was something serious.

“…Aye.” Darin said after a long moment.

“Why?”

“I guess cause they–um–like each other? Why do most people kiss?” Josh couldn’t see Darin’s expression, but could hear his eyes rolling in his voice.

“No, I mean why didn’t you tell us?”

“Because I know what you’d likely do with the knowledge.” Darin asked. “C’mon, I’m the orphaned street rat, you’re the gentlemen. If I have the manners not to gossip and make fun of them, you should know better yourselves, but that’s never stopped you before. What business is it of any of ours if Loki and Dustin are–um–fond of each other?”

“Father Remi says that it’s a mortal sin.” Jules said rubbing the back of his neck.

Josh heard Darin’s sharp intake of breath and nudged him slightly. “Well, if  Father Remi said that the sky was blue, I would probably go stick my head outside and check that it hadn’t turned green with violet spots before I believed it.” Darin said folding his arms over his chest and slumping back into the settee.

Josh leaned toward him and murmured “Nicely said.” by his ear. Darin glanced and him and shrugged again. Josh nodded and stared at his boots for a long moment, trying to pull his heart back out of his throat and into his chest where it belonged, feeling the hammering of his pulse to the soles of his feet. What am I going to do?